After posting the deposition of my surgeon, I realized when I posted my own deposition it is a mess. I won't be deleting it unless I run out of space on this server. Just ignore it unless you want to read the comments; coming from my heart.
So stay tuned for a much better and more easily understood deposition of me. I think it was very emotional reading all the offensive comments again. It triggered feelings I had forgotten; the feelings I felt during that deposition: violation, anger, frustration, helplessness and irritation with my own attorney who sat there and let Auto Owners lawyer tear me apart. He had responsibilities to protect me by objecting to certain questions and the wording. He pretty much let that lawyer get away with murder.
I mean I liked my lawyer alright; a sweet man but clearly no match for that ambulance chaser shark type lawyer we all know and hate.
Showing posts with label Writen Posts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Writen Posts. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Monday, November 27, 2006
If I Lose I Die; It Is That Simple:
The Abyss
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What if one finds themself standing at the edge, the breaking point of a journey to which they were not inclined to travel to, a place a corner they were backed into through no fault of their own?
An abyss filled with so much pain, fear, worry worry worry will they know when they have reached the edge?
Just doing what people do best; living and enjoying life. In an instant a blink of an eye and you are in it.
A place that does not fit. Where you do not want to be. It has taken over. It has a mind of its own.
Where do we find the power to break the hold? To change the flow? To come out on top; strong enough to turn away from the edge and face the sun?
I was in an auto accident almost 7 years ago that later turned into a personal injury lawsuit. I was the plaintiff and was in no way at fault in that accident. I was the only one injured in the accident. These injuries were such that they led to further problems and so on an so on.
I am the victim of a bad faith insurance company. I do not know if many are aware of this term and the implications. I would love to use another word in place of victim. My mind embraces that term for now.
Somehow the lawyer for the insurance company found out I am gay. He also found out my two major witnesses are also gay and school teachers. In the discovery phase of a lawsuit all medical records, financial records, everything they want about you the plantiff must hand over.
This was the scenario in mediation. The lawyer assumed responsibility for one minor injury I sustained and proclaimed they would not assume responsibility for the other injuries (all actual injuries documented by exrays, MRIs, nerve conduction tests, etc) and says in mediation:
"We assume XXXX as our responsiblity to pay you for but the rest of your injuries are a result of your other issues as we discussed in the deposition such as you are gay, your son has special needs along with other problems, your mother died of breast cancer, your parents are alcoholics, etc. If you take this to court we will of course be forced to reveal what we found out in the discovery phase and you will lose and be liable for up to $20,000 in court costs."
I accepted 1/10 of what the injuries and the policy supported. Why? I had to protect my two friends who could have lost their jobs here in my state should it have gone to court and the lawyer had made good on his threats.
I have never told a soul about this (except for a counselor) until this very minute. It has been tearing me up inside. I never even told my friends (my witnesses) about it.
Did I make the right decision? This has been a huge financial and emotional burden on me and my family. I cannot even go into it.
When I talked with my counselor she called me a hero for protecting my friends. I feel nothing but guilt now. Because of the repercussions and what affect it has had on my kids.
They say the best revenge is to do well. How does one do well when your enemy took away every tool possible to get well and do right by the family and self.
This is a ramble and I will most likely delete it soon. But my throat closes up with shame and torment. And the tears. And the anger. I struggle with this daily.
My situation is precarious and I am standing at the abyss.
__________________
Re: The Abyss
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kats, I can only imagine the anguish and pain you have been through.
I am not a lawyer, but I would say what the layer had stated would be brought up in discoveries would be irrelevant and dismissed. Was this your lawyer from your insurance company or from the defendants? It appears to me that what he did bring up was a little unprofessional.
Having said that I only know you as with others as text on a computer screen, however there is a real person behind that text and you come accross to me as a strong willed lady that has and will overcome adversity
You can and will do it, you have friends who can support you, and you have cyber friends here on WC who will support you.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
I hope you have the courage to ignore the blackmail this lawyer has tried to use on you and fight your case. I think his threats are dispicable. I don't believe the law society would uphold such behaviour
=====================================================================================
Re: The Abyss
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kats, I am not a lawyer and don't know much about the legal system. But I do know that Insurance companies are notorious for looking after their own interests.
ie. making sure they pay as little as possible. Shouldn't you have had your own lawyer looking after your interests? Often all parties will drag the process on as long as possible in order to cause even more anguish to the victim. (And avoid going to court).
It is horrible that you and your family have had to suffer as a result of this.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Re: The Abyss
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Kat,
I hate to hear of your situation. That was a horrible thing to have done to you. I also agree with Mag, that you should have had your own legal representation, if you did not at the time of settlement, you might re-visit this issue. There may still be a possiblility of re-opening this case based on the information you gave depending on how long it has been since the settlement occured and the laws of your state.
Many attorneys offer free initial consultation. Just be very wary of those who offer to work for free and for a portion of your settlement. You could become liable for lots of attorney fees. In this case, all they have to do is get an additional judgement for 1 cent and now you are on the hook for their fees, which can run into the thousands of dollars. So read carefully anything they ask you to sign.
(Disclamier, I am not an attorney and this is not legal advice)
I hope that whatever you decide, that things get better for you and that you are feeling better soon!
Regards,
C
=====================================================================================
Re: The Abyss
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Kat,
I am not a lawyer, but I am a paralegal at one of the biggest law firms in the world. There are many, many orginizations that provide legal advice gratis...or pro bono...I myself have worked on a number of these cases. There are organizations that help connect people in need of assitance with attorneys willing to provide assistance, it depends where you are located, if you are interested I might be able to hook you up with someone in your area.
Regarding what you were talking about, "the Abyss", my only advice is to find some way to let it go...stop tormenting yourself about this, but that is easier said then done...for myself, I find that to move on...I have to give myself permission to move on...does that make any sense? For you to have any closure, it might help to reopen the case (it certainly sounds as though you were discriminated against) or it might help to put it behind you in some other way.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What if one finds themself standing at the edge, the breaking point of a journey to which they were not inclined to travel to, a place a corner they were backed into through no fault of their own?
An abyss filled with so much pain, fear, worry worry worry will they know when they have reached the edge?
Just doing what people do best; living and enjoying life. In an instant a blink of an eye and you are in it.
A place that does not fit. Where you do not want to be. It has taken over. It has a mind of its own.
Where do we find the power to break the hold? To change the flow? To come out on top; strong enough to turn away from the edge and face the sun?
I was in an auto accident almost 7 years ago that later turned into a personal injury lawsuit. I was the plaintiff and was in no way at fault in that accident. I was the only one injured in the accident. These injuries were such that they led to further problems and so on an so on.
I am the victim of a bad faith insurance company. I do not know if many are aware of this term and the implications. I would love to use another word in place of victim. My mind embraces that term for now.
Somehow the lawyer for the insurance company found out I am gay. He also found out my two major witnesses are also gay and school teachers. In the discovery phase of a lawsuit all medical records, financial records, everything they want about you the plantiff must hand over.
This was the scenario in mediation. The lawyer assumed responsibility for one minor injury I sustained and proclaimed they would not assume responsibility for the other injuries (all actual injuries documented by exrays, MRIs, nerve conduction tests, etc) and says in mediation:
"We assume XXXX as our responsiblity to pay you for but the rest of your injuries are a result of your other issues as we discussed in the deposition such as you are gay, your son has special needs along with other problems, your mother died of breast cancer, your parents are alcoholics, etc. If you take this to court we will of course be forced to reveal what we found out in the discovery phase and you will lose and be liable for up to $20,000 in court costs."
I accepted 1/10 of what the injuries and the policy supported. Why? I had to protect my two friends who could have lost their jobs here in my state should it have gone to court and the lawyer had made good on his threats.
I have never told a soul about this (except for a counselor) until this very minute. It has been tearing me up inside. I never even told my friends (my witnesses) about it.
Did I make the right decision? This has been a huge financial and emotional burden on me and my family. I cannot even go into it.
When I talked with my counselor she called me a hero for protecting my friends. I feel nothing but guilt now. Because of the repercussions and what affect it has had on my kids.
They say the best revenge is to do well. How does one do well when your enemy took away every tool possible to get well and do right by the family and self.
This is a ramble and I will most likely delete it soon. But my throat closes up with shame and torment. And the tears. And the anger. I struggle with this daily.
My situation is precarious and I am standing at the abyss.
__________________
Re: The Abyss
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kats, I can only imagine the anguish and pain you have been through.
I am not a lawyer, but I would say what the layer had stated would be brought up in discoveries would be irrelevant and dismissed. Was this your lawyer from your insurance company or from the defendants? It appears to me that what he did bring up was a little unprofessional.
Having said that I only know you as with others as text on a computer screen, however there is a real person behind that text and you come accross to me as a strong willed lady that has and will overcome adversity
You can and will do it, you have friends who can support you, and you have cyber friends here on WC who will support you.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
I hope you have the courage to ignore the blackmail this lawyer has tried to use on you and fight your case. I think his threats are dispicable. I don't believe the law society would uphold such behaviour
=====================================================================================
Re: The Abyss
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kats, I am not a lawyer and don't know much about the legal system. But I do know that Insurance companies are notorious for looking after their own interests.
ie. making sure they pay as little as possible. Shouldn't you have had your own lawyer looking after your interests? Often all parties will drag the process on as long as possible in order to cause even more anguish to the victim. (And avoid going to court).
It is horrible that you and your family have had to suffer as a result of this.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Re: The Abyss
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Kat,
I hate to hear of your situation. That was a horrible thing to have done to you. I also agree with Mag, that you should have had your own legal representation, if you did not at the time of settlement, you might re-visit this issue. There may still be a possiblility of re-opening this case based on the information you gave depending on how long it has been since the settlement occured and the laws of your state.
Many attorneys offer free initial consultation. Just be very wary of those who offer to work for free and for a portion of your settlement. You could become liable for lots of attorney fees. In this case, all they have to do is get an additional judgement for 1 cent and now you are on the hook for their fees, which can run into the thousands of dollars. So read carefully anything they ask you to sign.
(Disclamier, I am not an attorney and this is not legal advice)
I hope that whatever you decide, that things get better for you and that you are feeling better soon!
Regards,
C
=====================================================================================
Re: The Abyss
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Kat,
I am not a lawyer, but I am a paralegal at one of the biggest law firms in the world. There are many, many orginizations that provide legal advice gratis...or pro bono...I myself have worked on a number of these cases. There are organizations that help connect people in need of assitance with attorneys willing to provide assistance, it depends where you are located, if you are interested I might be able to hook you up with someone in your area.
Regarding what you were talking about, "the Abyss", my only advice is to find some way to let it go...stop tormenting yourself about this, but that is easier said then done...for myself, I find that to move on...I have to give myself permission to move on...does that make any sense? For you to have any closure, it might help to reopen the case (it certainly sounds as though you were discriminated against) or it might help to put it behind you in some other way.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Checking the Mail:
I should rename this blog; how someone gets tossed into poverty, how to maintain it and how it stays alive.
I checked mail yesterday and found a notice of NSF which the bank has not notified me about. I did write that check. They want another 30 bucks and the amount of the check. I will have to write them a letter showing that Netscape is the cause of the check bouncing, a copy of my letter to NetScape, a copy of my letter to my bank and copy of my bank statement showing the reversal of four nsf charges. What a headache. I used to just put my isp on my discover platinum card and not worry about it.
Notice from Social Services saying they are doing further investigation of me because it seems (to them) I have funds coming from other sources that I did not tell them about. Well silly me. I have a bank account somewhere I don't know about? Why go through all this trouble for first $149 a month in food stamps and then being cut back to $10 a month after disability approval; silly me I could have just used that hidden money to buy food instead of spending hours in the dept of social services with all those germ carrying kids and people; hours on the phone explaining to them that I am sick and I need help buying food, hours on the phone gathering paperwork for now $10 a month. Silly me.
So the first thing I have to do tomorrow is to go to social services with all my paperwork and sit in that rather unclean place explaining. Again.
Every time something like this happens, my very first thought is what Auto Owners and their lawyer did to me; they put me in this very bad place. A very scarey place.
Nov. 25th and still my mortgage is not paid because of the IRS lien. I have mailed the 911 form, made calls and left messages to the advocate, wrote to my local rep Robin Hayes, wrote to the governor, wrote to Senators Dole and Burr; all last week. Has anyone responded to my request for assistance? NO they have not.
Yes, this is turning out to be a journal, a journal of what it is like to be thrown under the bus into poverty; the last place in the world I would want to be. Being thrown under and kept under by bill collectors and others.
I checked mail yesterday and found a notice of NSF which the bank has not notified me about. I did write that check. They want another 30 bucks and the amount of the check. I will have to write them a letter showing that Netscape is the cause of the check bouncing, a copy of my letter to NetScape, a copy of my letter to my bank and copy of my bank statement showing the reversal of four nsf charges. What a headache. I used to just put my isp on my discover platinum card and not worry about it.
Notice from Social Services saying they are doing further investigation of me because it seems (to them) I have funds coming from other sources that I did not tell them about. Well silly me. I have a bank account somewhere I don't know about? Why go through all this trouble for first $149 a month in food stamps and then being cut back to $10 a month after disability approval; silly me I could have just used that hidden money to buy food instead of spending hours in the dept of social services with all those germ carrying kids and people; hours on the phone explaining to them that I am sick and I need help buying food, hours on the phone gathering paperwork for now $10 a month. Silly me.
So the first thing I have to do tomorrow is to go to social services with all my paperwork and sit in that rather unclean place explaining. Again.
Every time something like this happens, my very first thought is what Auto Owners and their lawyer did to me; they put me in this very bad place. A very scarey place.
Nov. 25th and still my mortgage is not paid because of the IRS lien. I have mailed the 911 form, made calls and left messages to the advocate, wrote to my local rep Robin Hayes, wrote to the governor, wrote to Senators Dole and Burr; all last week. Has anyone responded to my request for assistance? NO they have not.
Yes, this is turning out to be a journal, a journal of what it is like to be thrown under the bus into poverty; the last place in the world I would want to be. Being thrown under and kept under by bill collectors and others.
Friday, November 24, 2006
The View:
If it wasn't for this show and those incredible women who work there I would go nuts for sure. Hi Joy. Hi Rosie. Hi Barbara. Hi Elizabeth!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyday, you take me out of myself for an hour. I can laugh. I can get riled up over the Hot Topics. Thank you!
Same thing for Oprah! I love this show.
Before I got hurt in the car wreck on 12/31/1999 I never watched anything but the news. Now I have lots of company with my new friends on ABC!
Everyday, you take me out of myself for an hour. I can laugh. I can get riled up over the Hot Topics. Thank you!
Same thing for Oprah! I love this show.
Before I got hurt in the car wreck on 12/31/1999 I never watched anything but the news. Now I have lots of company with my new friends on ABC!
Hell Ya I am a strong woman:
How many of you could survive on $569 a month payments from Social Security Supplemental Income, $149 food stamps and medicaid.
After approval of Social Security Disability I am living on less than $1,000 and $10 a month food stamps and no more Medicaid and out of that I pay each month:
$512 mortgage
$43 car insurance
$125 electricity, water and sewer (average in summer and winter this is higher)
$56 telephone
$20 food for my pet family
$25 for gasoline for my truck
$25 for narcotics for pain through the Patient Assistance Program at Perdue Pharma
How much is left over for food for me, vitamins, cold/flu shots remedies, personal hygiene items, clothing, entertainment (what is that?), visits to my family in Atlanta, etc.
Every four months I have to visit my pain management doctor at $250 a pop. Then there is property tax on my house and truck. Then there is registration renewal. Then there is car inspection, etc.
Well I am doing it. Some months are tough. Like this one when I discovered the lien from IRS; they cleaned out every penny in my checking account. $654! I know this is trouble I got into. My pain, illness, injuries and depression is keeping me focused on so many things that require my immediate attention. So right now my mortgage is not paid for Nov. And in a few days there will be no food in the house for me and my pets. I am working with Social Services on that right now.
So hell ya, I am a strong woman. But there are limits. Yesterday was such a terrible day.
After approval of Social Security Disability I am living on less than $1,000 and $10 a month food stamps and no more Medicaid and out of that I pay each month:
$512 mortgage
$43 car insurance
$125 electricity, water and sewer (average in summer and winter this is higher)
$56 telephone
$20 food for my pet family
$25 for gasoline for my truck
$25 for narcotics for pain through the Patient Assistance Program at Perdue Pharma
How much is left over for food for me, vitamins, cold/flu shots remedies, personal hygiene items, clothing, entertainment (what is that?), visits to my family in Atlanta, etc.
Every four months I have to visit my pain management doctor at $250 a pop. Then there is property tax on my house and truck. Then there is registration renewal. Then there is car inspection, etc.
Well I am doing it. Some months are tough. Like this one when I discovered the lien from IRS; they cleaned out every penny in my checking account. $654! I know this is trouble I got into. My pain, illness, injuries and depression is keeping me focused on so many things that require my immediate attention. So right now my mortgage is not paid for Nov. And in a few days there will be no food in the house for me and my pets. I am working with Social Services on that right now.
So hell ya, I am a strong woman. But there are limits. Yesterday was such a terrible day.
The Best Revenge is:
to live well.
And I firmly believe this. And I promise myself, my loved ones and all the viewers of this blog that I will live well once I am awarded the tools that I need just to survive; keep my home, take care of my pet family and myself; keep connected to my loved ones and my peace of mind is returned to me. And to live close to my kids and their kids.
I am not mad at the woman that caused the accident; a client of Auto Owners. It was an accident. Absolutely she did not do this on purpose.
Who I am angry at is this company and their lawyer; the deliberately set out to destroy me and my ability to make a living and to prevent me from enjoying my life. How can someone live well when they are scared to death to answer the mail or the doorbell? Could be another deputy with another set of papers from someone suing me for money. Could be another late notice. Could be another disconnect notice.
And I firmly believe this. And I promise myself, my loved ones and all the viewers of this blog that I will live well once I am awarded the tools that I need just to survive; keep my home, take care of my pet family and myself; keep connected to my loved ones and my peace of mind is returned to me. And to live close to my kids and their kids.
I am not mad at the woman that caused the accident; a client of Auto Owners. It was an accident. Absolutely she did not do this on purpose.
Who I am angry at is this company and their lawyer; the deliberately set out to destroy me and my ability to make a living and to prevent me from enjoying my life. How can someone live well when they are scared to death to answer the mail or the doorbell? Could be another deputy with another set of papers from someone suing me for money. Could be another late notice. Could be another disconnect notice.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Mr LLoyenda and Mr Bolster FYI:
Going back from the day of the accident I journaled and kept all this notations and photos relating to the accident.
As soon as I hired my attorney I kept all emails of our conversations. I also continued to journal and have all those notes to with the dates on them.
We shall see who are the liars.
As soon as I hired my attorney I kept all emails of our conversations. I also continued to journal and have all those notes to with the dates on them.
We shall see who are the liars.
Lies In Mediation:
Monica, the claims rep when asked by my lawyer back in March of 2000 how much money Auto Owners had set aside for my personal injury case. She answered $50,000. When my lawyer asked her again that same question in mediation (after her first cash offer of $3,000 was thrown out on the table) about the $50,000 she lied after whispering with her attorney. This was a legal procedure. And employees from Auto Owners Insurance Company lied. And so did a licensed attorney in the state of NC.
So they paid their lawyer $50,000 instead to ruin my life.
Money can't buy love but when someone is injured and hurting; money could have allowed me to put my house (the housing market was great back in Feb. 2004) on the market, move my things and my pets to Atlanta to a rental home until my house sold. My credit was A1A back then. My credit is totally ruined now. There are judgements against me now. Out of the 21,000 they gave me I paid off all three credit cards to 0. I paid almost 5 thousand to medical bills. Financially I was in pretty good shape.
If Auto Owners had paid me just the 50K they had set aside for my injuries I could have managed.
Now I am trapped here in a house that is falling apart, not a prayer of selling it, no money to move or even go visit my kids. What an impossible situation! And what a travesty of justice.
Is it any wonder I am depressed? I live with cancer type pain from four different sources 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year with no cure no changes and the diagnosis of deterioration.
To think that people could make decisions like this to lie and cheat and deliberately to cause and inflict severe emotional and financial distress on another person; they have no right running a company or practicing law either.
So they paid their lawyer $50,000 instead to ruin my life.
Money can't buy love but when someone is injured and hurting; money could have allowed me to put my house (the housing market was great back in Feb. 2004) on the market, move my things and my pets to Atlanta to a rental home until my house sold. My credit was A1A back then. My credit is totally ruined now. There are judgements against me now. Out of the 21,000 they gave me I paid off all three credit cards to 0. I paid almost 5 thousand to medical bills. Financially I was in pretty good shape.
If Auto Owners had paid me just the 50K they had set aside for my injuries I could have managed.
Now I am trapped here in a house that is falling apart, not a prayer of selling it, no money to move or even go visit my kids. What an impossible situation! And what a travesty of justice.
Is it any wonder I am depressed? I live with cancer type pain from four different sources 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year with no cure no changes and the diagnosis of deterioration.
To think that people could make decisions like this to lie and cheat and deliberately to cause and inflict severe emotional and financial distress on another person; they have no right running a company or practicing law either.
My day is ruined!
I got out the holiday decorations last night; I always do a winter theme in the living room on the two big windows. Before I decorate I clean this room from top to bottom and it is about the only time this room gets cleaned except when someone comes over to vaccuum it for me. I just don't have the energy to clean this room; so I stay out of it.
I am sick to death at what I found in there a bit ago. My stomach is hurting so bad from being so upset. My cat Frankie has been going behind the clear sheets of plastic I have on the sofa and love seat and peeing on the oriental rug!!!!! I did not smell it. this is so terrible! The hardwood floors are blackened where the pee was siting for I don't know how long. The sofa is and love seat is ruined too as the pee got in them too.
When I saw that I it bent me over in pain and sobs. My heart is broken that my beloved cat has done this.
I have not had the money to have him neutered since I could no longer work. I have been praying he would be one of the cats that never sprayed.
I am devasted! What am I going to do? There is no way I can carry the sofa and love seat out of the house. The oriental is ruined too. The damage is probably two or three thousand dollars. The furnitue was expensive and so was the rug.
The heart breaking part is that Frankie did it; he is so precious to me and I am very upset at what he has done.
It is against my religion to curse someone or to wish them bad. I am being tested so badly right now. I cannot stop crying sobbing. My stomach hurts. I feel such hatred and anger towards those people at Auto Owners and Jeff Bolster.
I hate you people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not a hater but I hate you with every fiber of my being! Against my religion but I pray that this all comes back to you Mr. Looyenga and your dirty lawyer Jeff Bolster. I pray that all of this comes back to you every single bit of the pain and suffering I have felt in the last seven years comes down on your heads hard hard hard! Not on your family just you two fucking bastards!
I have to take a photo of this to post here. Only you cannot get the smell. Once I lifted that plastic sheeting It made me ill!
The way I feel now has caused my pain to escalate and the sadness and anger I feel has just exploded. Physically there is no way I can drive over to my sister's house after this blow. So I will spend Thanksgiving alone. Worrying what can I do about this mess.
I just am so hurt by this............
I am sick to death at what I found in there a bit ago. My stomach is hurting so bad from being so upset. My cat Frankie has been going behind the clear sheets of plastic I have on the sofa and love seat and peeing on the oriental rug!!!!! I did not smell it. this is so terrible! The hardwood floors are blackened where the pee was siting for I don't know how long. The sofa is and love seat is ruined too as the pee got in them too.
When I saw that I it bent me over in pain and sobs. My heart is broken that my beloved cat has done this.
I have not had the money to have him neutered since I could no longer work. I have been praying he would be one of the cats that never sprayed.
I am devasted! What am I going to do? There is no way I can carry the sofa and love seat out of the house. The oriental is ruined too. The damage is probably two or three thousand dollars. The furnitue was expensive and so was the rug.
The heart breaking part is that Frankie did it; he is so precious to me and I am very upset at what he has done.
It is against my religion to curse someone or to wish them bad. I am being tested so badly right now. I cannot stop crying sobbing. My stomach hurts. I feel such hatred and anger towards those people at Auto Owners and Jeff Bolster.
I hate you people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not a hater but I hate you with every fiber of my being! Against my religion but I pray that this all comes back to you Mr. Looyenga and your dirty lawyer Jeff Bolster. I pray that all of this comes back to you every single bit of the pain and suffering I have felt in the last seven years comes down on your heads hard hard hard! Not on your family just you two fucking bastards!
I have to take a photo of this to post here. Only you cannot get the smell. Once I lifted that plastic sheeting It made me ill!
The way I feel now has caused my pain to escalate and the sadness and anger I feel has just exploded. Physically there is no way I can drive over to my sister's house after this blow. So I will spend Thanksgiving alone. Worrying what can I do about this mess.
I just am so hurt by this............
Dear Auto Owners Insurance Company:
Mr. R. L. Looyenga
CEO Auto Owners Insurance Company
6101 Anacapri Blvd.
Lansing, MI 48917
Dear Mr. Looyenga:
Today is Thanksgiving and we are supposed to remind ourselves of all the things we should be thankful for. Each year at Thanksgiving it gets harder and harder for me to accomplish this.
No, you did not cause the accident that hurt me. But you allowed your employees, decision makers and the attorney that was hired in this case; to cause me harm by taking away the tools I must have to be closeby my family.
I may be a lesbian, but I want you to know that lesbians can be mothers and grandmothers and love their family no less than heterosexual moms. And I am very thankful that I have three beautiful adult children who are intelligent, compassionate and who produced the seven grandchildren that I adore.
I am grateful that I am still here. And I am grateful that I dig down deep inside to find the courage each day to carry on. And this is not easy to accomplish. On some days it is a battle to even get out of bed; but I do it.
I am grateful too that I do not know you, or your employees who deliberately set out to inflict on me severe emotional and financial distress. I am grateful that I do not know the lawyer you chose to do your dirty work. I am even more grateful that I am not related to you, anyone that works for you and that lawyer.
Do you pay someone to shave you everyday? If not, how can you stand to look at yourself in the mirror and life with that face and the horrible person who resides there? Same thing for your lawyer! Only more so.
My plans today?
I am driving to my sister's house for dinner later today. I am not sure I will be able to make the drive. The last several days; I have been hurting more than normal. All my joints, especially my hips are screaming in pain. I have the spinal cord stimulator turned on right now but that only covers the pain in the left knee. My feet are in terrible condition. All of the tendons and ligaments are so tight and there are some trigger points there that are over the top.
Fibromyalgia, arthritis, myofacial pain syndrome, bulging discs, nerve damage in both legs and my back do not like cold and rainy weather. Neither do the several incision sites from the several surgeries I have had since April 2000. The spinal cord stimulator surgical site hurts the worse, because of the rectangular shaped cut out they made in my back bone in the lower back, placement there of this device and the other incision where they tunneled the wires from the device in my lower back to another incision where the battery is housed. The battery is about 2x3 inches and 1/2 inch thick.
If you have been listening to the weather you will know that this area of North Carolina has gotten pounded this week with cold rain mixed with sleet.
I'd really like to know what you are thankful for.
I bet you are thankful you are not me either.
I bet you are thankful that you are so high and mighty you think I can't "touch you" there up on your throne.
I bet you are thankful up there on your throne that you can whisper to your family "Let her eat cake!"
I bet you are thankful you have the tools you need to have a happy and healthy life.
I bet you are happy that you, your company and your lawyer were able to steal the tools from me that I need to be happy and healthy too.
Money cannot buy happiness or love. But it can buy me a ticket to Atlanta to get a little house close to my kids and their kids. To do things almost every day as a family. So I can reach out and take Baby Jimmy from his mother and I can hold him, tickle him, hug him tight and see his happy baby face. To spend time with all of my family; to be physically close to them.
Here is a picture of Baby Jimmy when he and his mother and auntie came to visit me a few weeks after my heart attack in March. That is Jimmy in bed with his Grandma Cookie. (me)After the photo was taken, I fed him and sang to him until we both dozed off. I have only seen my family four times this year, when they came here to care for me after I had my heart attack.
You stole this from me! My family!
And I am grateful that I am not like you and that I have no capacity to harm others like you.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
I Am Not A Loser:
No, I am not a loser. This is a watercolor painting I did last year. And it is featured on the American Pain Foundation in Voices of People In Pain Four weeks after submitting this painting to the American Pain Foundation I had my heart attack; March 14, 2006. But I did not die.
Last Night I Was Thinking
praying is more like it
one day a month
would asking for one day a month
be too much to ask
for just one day a month to
feel my body without
the noisy distraction of
pain
I just can't remember
what that feels like anymore
to not feel pain without all the
numbing meds
to scratch an itch without it hurting
to rub my muscles and feel soreness
because I rode the exercise bike
instead of bumpy ropey bands
of wasted muscles
Just one day a month without any pain at all
Is that too much to ask?
Quiet Wanted
the last time I had a day
without pain
I remember it clearly
It is a tease
leaving the acupuncture treatment
standing outside and leaning against
the brick wall I felt
nothing
no pain just a quiet
quiet sense of my body and
who I am without pain
Spring of 2001
two hours of beautiful silence
Knowing I need to say sorry
to all the people in my life
who have hurt too
because I let them down
over and over again
with reasons
they saw it as excuses
who could blame them
no one knows
unless they feel and experience it too
I run the apologies over in my mind
day after day
night after night
but never seem to get around to it
but I will
one day
when it is quiet
and I feel better hope it happens
I have caused pain too
and I am sorry
Narcotics
they numb me down
and I get forgetful too
yeah they cover that pain pretty good
so I can climb Mt. Everest
they are supposed to help me for eight hours
6.5 hours later the pain comes back
they, the pills and my pain
make me forget to care about my kids
my friends
my responsibilities
they wrap me up in a tight little
cocoon so I don't feel much
of anything at all.
People say to me
you are so strong
I admire you and don't
know if I could be so strong
it is better to let them believe
what they want
you are so brave
if only they knew the truth
they would say something else
or nothing at all
you will get over this
that is the biggest lie
of all
they need to believe this
to even look at my face
or hear my voice
or think of me at all
I am not mad
and I let them believe
what they have to believe
but I know better
and it is not okay
so I say nothing at all.
I cry
when I see my cat's ruined ear
when the whole day goes by
and the telephone doesn't ring
when the pain is bad
that is a given
but I cry
when I realize I spent
the entire day in bed
and it is dark again
I cry when I can't get over
how poor I am now
and can't do much about it
I cry
when I think about the little ones
in my family
I can't and never have
played with them not once
I cry when I know
my kids don't get it
I don't blame them
it just makes me sad
I cried guilty and angry tears
when first Linda died
and a few years later
Nena
I cry when I see
Johannes’s lonely face
he is just a dog
and deserves better
I cried when his family died
I cry so much now
but it is just short bursts
of sadness'
with tears running down my face
and a few minutes later
I am "okay" again.
Tonight I was thinking
how much better I feel
because
I reached out
to the ones that mean the most to me
to say I need you
I need more
than you been giving
its my turn
to ask for help
I love you
but you haven't been paying attention
and I am worth
some of your time
Hands Knotted
I was just asking
for one day a month
and today
you give me something
else to deal with
my hands are hurting
and they won't close
and open
painfully flexing fingers
I hate winter
for just this reason
my toes are hurting too
I stretch them
just a bit
and receive a knife
cutting on my foot
just leave my hands
alone
please
I Am Afraid:
I was afraid five years ago
when nothing was known for sure
about what was the source of the
pain
I was more afraid three years ago
when we knew what it was that caused
pain
I was afraid two years ago
when I could no longer work
it hurt too much
Last year I was afraid when I gave up
all thoughts of ever being able to work again
because of the pain
I am still afraid because I look to the future
and see more pain
and not much else
And I am afraid no one
will ever want me
or find me attractive
because of how I feel
pain
pain separates me from all the things
that I love, want and dream about
I am afraid nothing will change that
because I am too tired
I just want to be left alone
not from the ones that I love
and care about so much
but from the takers
who have taken so much
leave me be
talk to me without a trace
of humanity
take all you want
there is nothing left for you
of value
just ole sad dusty sentimental things
nothing you could possibly want
take it
let me have my peace
I have done my part
the best way I can
the only way I can
go elsewhere to make
another miserable
leave me to paint
to dream
to hope
to heal
and to rest
and to love those that matter most
Numbing Down
Dumbing down
those anti-depressants that are supposed to
help us yeah they make us forget
or feel lighter
or happier
but caution is needed
they make us forget things
important things
they dumb us numb us
so we don't care much
don't feel much
don't worry much
coming off them is very tough
because all the unpleasant necessities of life
wake up
and we wonder what happened
did we hibernate
we were numb to the necessities of life
our responsibilities
the fog got me into trouble
now I have to deal with the mess
of trouble I am in
I wish someone had been paying attention
to the warning signs just be alert
to my numb and dumb state
I wasn't really there
or paying attention
I was numb to the pain
and the unpleasant necessities of life
Monday, November 20, 2006
Investigator at the NC Department of Insurance:
I have to post my appreciation to one employee at the NC Deptartment of Insuracne. This man took an interest in my grievance from day one. He kept in constant contact. He empathized with me in letters and our several phone calls. I sent him the deposition right off the bat. I think this helped a lot.
What he did do was:
To forward my original letter of complaint to Auto Owners Insurance Co. He sent me copies of their replies to him.
He was very doubtful as to what the claims rep had to tell him in answer to my complaint. He was told in writing by this rep; that the rep had spoken to my lawyer, the lawyer for Auto Owners and the judge who served as a mediator that all three attorneys had told her that they would be happy to provide the NC Department of Insurance affidavits of truth if he should need it.
He sent me a copy of this letter. I called my attorney and the mediator; they had not ever talked to that rep after the mediation in Feb. 2004. So I wrote to him and said yes lets insist on the affidavits of truth. The results:
The lawyer for Auto Owners Insurance Company was much too busy to swear out an affidavit of truth because he was very busy answering my grievances against him with the NC Bar Association
My lawyer never did get around to doing the affidavit. I called him to tell him about what the rep promised the NC Dept. of Insurance. He said he had never received her request nor had he discussed the case with anyone from Auto Owners after the mediation. I advised him to go ahead and prepare the affidavit; fax it to me so I could check on the facts. He gets forgetful. He never did anything about it. My lawyer is not a strong person and he made so many mistakes during this personal injury case. I suspect he wanted to not dig a bigger hole.
The judge sent Auto Owners a letter saying NC law would not ever allow him to talk about the case.
The employee at the NC Dept. of Insurance and I talked about the rep's supposed conversation with all three lawyers (the mediator is a judge and a lawyer) and the supposed promises to her that they would be happy to provide an affidavit. We agreed it was clear she was being dishonest and lying about her supposed conversations with the attorneys. He sent me a final letter advising me to sue Auto Owners and their attorney in civil court.
This is the only person I involved in this situation who took me seriously, believed me in fact and worked hard to get to the bottom of the investigation. I did send him a thank you note for all his hard work. He went far and beyond his job to help me and I thank him here publically. An honest person working for the government can be very hard to find.
I need:
to move to Atlanta, just a few miles from my kids and their children and spouses. I don't want this life to end. I have many reasons to live on.
I need to unload this house somehow. I need enough money to buy outright a a small home close to them on a little plot of land. My girls have said that they would be there for me always. We would spend lots of time together. I know this is true because when ever we are together we always enjoy each others company and have so much fun making jokes, recalling funny things from the past, going over old photos, etc.
My grandchildren would be at Grandma Cookies house often. I could take turns having them over to spend the weekend. We could do crafts together, I could teach them art, we could read books together. Cooking together. Baking cookies like I did with their mothers. Laughing and joking with them. When they are around me; I feel so much more alive. My pain is less. They are the best medicine.
I need a better vehicle. My car was destroyed in the accident so I had to purchase another vehicle and I chose a pick up truck because I am a gardener a car can get dirty. I did not know the extent of my injuries when I bought this truck back in Jan. 2000. I would have gotten a much more comfortable vehicle. So I need another kind of vehicle. I have some more grandchildren to haul around too.
I need to pay off my bills; all of them including the judgements against me in the past month. Discover Card and a doctor sued me for about 8K for unpaid bills. I put about three thousand on Discover Card to pay for medications when I lost my job in Oct. 2004. I have about another 5K outstanding medical bills. I want to pay these off too.
I want to clean up my record, move to Atlanta and start over.
I want to live a lot more years yet. To watch my grandkids graduate from high school and then college. I would love to see them marry and become parents themselves. I very much want to be a part of their lives.
I just can't make it here so far from them. So far in debt I cannot have peace of mind. No doubt this adds to the pain level and my depression.
Life could be just fine. I never cared about money all that much. My family is priceless. I have to be practical too. If Auto Owners were to do a turn around and pay what my injuries are really worth (the balance of that policy available is $179,000) and I would be okay with that. 179k could buy that small house, fix this house to sell, cover moving costs, it would be enough money to buy a more comfortable vehicle. More than that I don't care about. As long as I had my family close by; that is enough for me.
If they don't; I am trapped in a house that is falling apart far from the ones that I love. I am so alone. I will never be able to buy another vehicle and if this one breaks I am in trouble. I used to love my little home. Now it is a prison. This is not life. This is barely existing. There's that lien now with IRS. They cleaned out my checking account on Nov.14th.
Everyday things just get progressively worse. I am scared to answer the phone now even my cell. I am terrified when I check the mail all I get is bad news and people wanting money from me. Money I don't have.
IRS took $654 from me. Every single penny I had in that account leaving the mortgage unpaid for this month, leaving two months worth of electricity unpaid (shut off Dec.1), two months of water and sewer bills, two months of telephone bills, car insurance for this month unpaid, property tax (on the truck)for last year unpaid.
I won't be able to pay the $25 for Perdue Pharma for my pain medications.
I forgot to add food for me and my pets. I still have some food in the refrigerator but this can't last forever.
I had planned on taking a trip to Atlanta on Dec. 1 to stay for two days with my family. I had planned on taking Morgan out to lunch with me and some artist friends I met on line at Mick's close to Lennox Square. Barb was going to drive us there and hang out at the mall while Morgan and I did the gallery crawl with the artist friends. He is so excited about that. That is out now. I have not seen any of them since May of this year. The baby Jimmy has grown so much. He is standing up walking around the coffee table and I am missing it. So seeing my family in Dec. is out. Writing this is making me cry and angry! And so freaking frustrated right now.
And then this is the times I have dark thoughts.......................
I need to unload this house somehow. I need enough money to buy outright a a small home close to them on a little plot of land. My girls have said that they would be there for me always. We would spend lots of time together. I know this is true because when ever we are together we always enjoy each others company and have so much fun making jokes, recalling funny things from the past, going over old photos, etc.
My grandchildren would be at Grandma Cookies house often. I could take turns having them over to spend the weekend. We could do crafts together, I could teach them art, we could read books together. Cooking together. Baking cookies like I did with their mothers. Laughing and joking with them. When they are around me; I feel so much more alive. My pain is less. They are the best medicine.
I need a better vehicle. My car was destroyed in the accident so I had to purchase another vehicle and I chose a pick up truck because I am a gardener a car can get dirty. I did not know the extent of my injuries when I bought this truck back in Jan. 2000. I would have gotten a much more comfortable vehicle. So I need another kind of vehicle. I have some more grandchildren to haul around too.
I need to pay off my bills; all of them including the judgements against me in the past month. Discover Card and a doctor sued me for about 8K for unpaid bills. I put about three thousand on Discover Card to pay for medications when I lost my job in Oct. 2004. I have about another 5K outstanding medical bills. I want to pay these off too.
I want to clean up my record, move to Atlanta and start over.
I want to live a lot more years yet. To watch my grandkids graduate from high school and then college. I would love to see them marry and become parents themselves. I very much want to be a part of their lives.
I just can't make it here so far from them. So far in debt I cannot have peace of mind. No doubt this adds to the pain level and my depression.
Life could be just fine. I never cared about money all that much. My family is priceless. I have to be practical too. If Auto Owners were to do a turn around and pay what my injuries are really worth (the balance of that policy available is $179,000) and I would be okay with that. 179k could buy that small house, fix this house to sell, cover moving costs, it would be enough money to buy a more comfortable vehicle. More than that I don't care about. As long as I had my family close by; that is enough for me.
If they don't; I am trapped in a house that is falling apart far from the ones that I love. I am so alone. I will never be able to buy another vehicle and if this one breaks I am in trouble. I used to love my little home. Now it is a prison. This is not life. This is barely existing. There's that lien now with IRS. They cleaned out my checking account on Nov.14th.
Everyday things just get progressively worse. I am scared to answer the phone now even my cell. I am terrified when I check the mail all I get is bad news and people wanting money from me. Money I don't have.
IRS took $654 from me. Every single penny I had in that account leaving the mortgage unpaid for this month, leaving two months worth of electricity unpaid (shut off Dec.1), two months of water and sewer bills, two months of telephone bills, car insurance for this month unpaid, property tax (on the truck)for last year unpaid.
I won't be able to pay the $25 for Perdue Pharma for my pain medications.
I forgot to add food for me and my pets. I still have some food in the refrigerator but this can't last forever.
I had planned on taking a trip to Atlanta on Dec. 1 to stay for two days with my family. I had planned on taking Morgan out to lunch with me and some artist friends I met on line at Mick's close to Lennox Square. Barb was going to drive us there and hang out at the mall while Morgan and I did the gallery crawl with the artist friends. He is so excited about that. That is out now. I have not seen any of them since May of this year. The baby Jimmy has grown so much. He is standing up walking around the coffee table and I am missing it. So seeing my family in Dec. is out. Writing this is making me cry and angry! And so freaking frustrated right now.
And then this is the times I have dark thoughts.......................
What Was I Supposed To Do:
that day in mediation, when I heard Bolster say he would beat me in court and I would have to pay $20,000 in court costs?
Don't you people realize I was hurt that day? That I live today trying to pull it together and live with what you did to me.
Every single day I have to deal with something, something comes up that is a result of what they did to me.
I cannot pat myself on the back for what I have done I am not doing it well. I just try one day at a time to get to where I want and need to be.
I need to be with my kids. I cannot go there penniless like I am now. I need to sell my house despite the bad housing market and this house is so run down now; its been years since I could afford to fix anything around here. I can't live with my kids. They have families of their own.
I have to go. I have to be with my family. I know being close to them will be better for me.
If this case had been paid out as it was supposed to have been; I would have sold this house, bought a small humble house close to my kids and their kids. I would pay off all my debts and medical bills. I have two judgements out there against me that were filed in the last two months for medical bills.
I would be there now. I would do things on a regular basis with my family. My grandkids dont have a good time when they visit me. I get so tired. I sleep at least 12 hours a day. They got bored and called their parents because the wanted to come home because Grandma Cookie is always sleeping. When they got home they told there mothers how bored they were and one of my girls was so frustrated she said her daughter could not come see me until she is driving. She is 11. That was like a knife to my stomach.
If I was there now, I could help raise these kids. I could take Morgan to the bookstore to buy a book and have our coffees; once a week instead of maybe once a year. I miss him so much. I just started writing them all letters.
I would not spend so much time alone. This is making me ill too. I go days without seeing another person. I fill up my car and it lasts 6 weeks. I did not choose this.
I am very sad this accident happened when the two oldest grandkids were so small. They do not have the memory of a happy and active Grandmother. They just know me as this tired ole woman who is hurting always. I push myself to do things with them. But with young kids that isn't enough.
My kids do not know how tired I am of living alone, living in so much pain, living with such depression and dark thoughts. I dont tell anyone. If I did they would take me away from my home. I could not hurt them. But what can I do? I am the one who is forced to life this life. No one knows except me.
I feel like I was thrown under the freaking bus by the insurance company, their lawyer, my last employer and supervisor there, by my lawyer, the Insurance Commission here in NC, The Bar Association, the Governor, our Senators, etc they all threw me under the bus. A perfect saying for where I am, down and if I move I could be run over totally.
Everyday. I have to put out a fire. It is a full time job just keeping my home, bare minimum bills, food for me and my pets. There isn't much money for anything else.
I could deal with this and work things out much better if I wasn't so sick, if I didn't have so much pain, if I wasn't so depressed. I dig down deep inside looking for more strength and energy to go on. I am so tired. Very very tired.
On some of the worst days, I dream. I dream of what it would be like living close to my loved ones so I could see them everyday if I want. I would love to feel like I was part of a family instead of this stranger living 300 miles away.
Why did it turn out like this? Why did so many people allow this to happen? Allow the insurance company and their lawyer to treat me this way. I cry a lot too. I cry with frustration I cry with loneliness, I cry in anger and protestation. Thanksgiving is coming this week and I will have to dig down very very deep to find something to be thankful for. I will be thankful when I am pain free and not feeling so badly.
The only time I have peace is when I am sleeping. So I sleep a lot. 12 to 18 hours a day and I need more.
Don't you people realize I was hurt that day? That I live today trying to pull it together and live with what you did to me.
Every single day I have to deal with something, something comes up that is a result of what they did to me.
I cannot pat myself on the back for what I have done I am not doing it well. I just try one day at a time to get to where I want and need to be.
I need to be with my kids. I cannot go there penniless like I am now. I need to sell my house despite the bad housing market and this house is so run down now; its been years since I could afford to fix anything around here. I can't live with my kids. They have families of their own.
I have to go. I have to be with my family. I know being close to them will be better for me.
If this case had been paid out as it was supposed to have been; I would have sold this house, bought a small humble house close to my kids and their kids. I would pay off all my debts and medical bills. I have two judgements out there against me that were filed in the last two months for medical bills.
I would be there now. I would do things on a regular basis with my family. My grandkids dont have a good time when they visit me. I get so tired. I sleep at least 12 hours a day. They got bored and called their parents because the wanted to come home because Grandma Cookie is always sleeping. When they got home they told there mothers how bored they were and one of my girls was so frustrated she said her daughter could not come see me until she is driving. She is 11. That was like a knife to my stomach.
If I was there now, I could help raise these kids. I could take Morgan to the bookstore to buy a book and have our coffees; once a week instead of maybe once a year. I miss him so much. I just started writing them all letters.
I would not spend so much time alone. This is making me ill too. I go days without seeing another person. I fill up my car and it lasts 6 weeks. I did not choose this.
I am very sad this accident happened when the two oldest grandkids were so small. They do not have the memory of a happy and active Grandmother. They just know me as this tired ole woman who is hurting always. I push myself to do things with them. But with young kids that isn't enough.
My kids do not know how tired I am of living alone, living in so much pain, living with such depression and dark thoughts. I dont tell anyone. If I did they would take me away from my home. I could not hurt them. But what can I do? I am the one who is forced to life this life. No one knows except me.
I feel like I was thrown under the freaking bus by the insurance company, their lawyer, my last employer and supervisor there, by my lawyer, the Insurance Commission here in NC, The Bar Association, the Governor, our Senators, etc they all threw me under the bus. A perfect saying for where I am, down and if I move I could be run over totally.
Everyday. I have to put out a fire. It is a full time job just keeping my home, bare minimum bills, food for me and my pets. There isn't much money for anything else.
I could deal with this and work things out much better if I wasn't so sick, if I didn't have so much pain, if I wasn't so depressed. I dig down deep inside looking for more strength and energy to go on. I am so tired. Very very tired.
On some of the worst days, I dream. I dream of what it would be like living close to my loved ones so I could see them everyday if I want. I would love to feel like I was part of a family instead of this stranger living 300 miles away.
Why did it turn out like this? Why did so many people allow this to happen? Allow the insurance company and their lawyer to treat me this way. I cry a lot too. I cry with frustration I cry with loneliness, I cry in anger and protestation. Thanksgiving is coming this week and I will have to dig down very very deep to find something to be thankful for. I will be thankful when I am pain free and not feeling so badly.
The only time I have peace is when I am sleeping. So I sleep a lot. 12 to 18 hours a day and I need more.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Jeff Bolster-Attorney for Auto Owners:
Though this company hired you to save them money on my personal injury lawsuit; did you have to take it so far? Did you have to lie in mediation? Did you have to resort to blackmail in the mediation? Did you have to be so mean and nasty in the deposition? Did you have to go beyond what is reasonable in the course of your work for Auto Owners?
Lies in mediation. I filed a complaint (three times actually) with the NC Bar Association. They said they found no fault with your actions there. Though they failed to interview me. Though they failed to examine the depositions. Though they failed to question everyone in the room that day including the para-legal, the mediator and my lawyer. What were they hiding when they refused to give me a copy of their findings. What were you hiding when you told them not to reveal their findings? If you had done nothing wrong then you should have been eager to have the Bar Association send me their findings.
You lied when you said your secretary had called the defendant to tell him the time for mediation had been moved UP a few hours. You also lied when you said the defendent had said he would be there a few minutes late. He never showed up that day at all. I think you told him what was happening alright but told him NOT to be there.
Your questioning of me in the deposition went far beyond what was considered appropriate. Your questions also showed your disgust for me as a person, as a mother as a woman. Your questioning and attitude during the deposition caused me extreme emotional distress that night. I do not know how I even made it home safely. And I spent hours on the phone with a counselor friend and my best friend; they found the questioning and your behavior disgusting too.
Even Dr. Ohl found you disgusting according to Bill. He was hostile towards you because of your insinuations about me; his patient. Dr. Ohl knew without doubt that I was hurt in that accident and that it wasn't minor injuries either.
The $50,000 you were paid by Auto Owners has long ago been spent. You have put all that unpleasantness behind you.
What was unpleasant to you was a nightmare that began on New Year's Eve morning in 1999. Because you blackmailed and threatened me in mediation to prevent me from going on to trial my life is in ruins. Yes, I sustained injures during that car accident and yes all the money in the world could not make me well or give me my old life back.
What it would have done (if you and Auto Owners hadn't behaved as such greedy monsters); it would have allowed me to sell my house and move back to Atlanta to be close to my family. Being alone when in constant pain is a terrible experience. If I had been with my family instead of being forced to stay here in NC alone to deal with everything; I doubt if I would have had the heart attack too.
No matter how many words I type here; you will never know the true extent of damage you did to me, to my family, to my friends and pets; to my spirit and my will to live.
I only have one regret should I not be able to carry on and decide to end my life; is that your children could be hurt by this. You know how the press is, it will be out there and then grow and grow. Then my loved ones can speak. Truth has a strange way of coming out. If your kids hear about what kind of father they have; I am sorry if my future actions (to myself) will cause them pain. I love kids and would never inflict harm on them. If you want to be a better person, read over my answers on the depo and know this: the only reason I succumbed to your threats and blackmail in mediation was to protect my witnesses (and friends) from being outted in court by you and they would have been at risk of losing their jobs.
I am a nice woman. I doubt if you would have done what I did or sacrificed what I did to protect my friends. My therapist when I told her all that happened was so amazed and she was so proud of what I did.
Would I do it all again the same way? Because this has hurt my family and loved ones so much; probably not. I should have been thinking of my family more that day.
I want to say one final thing before hitting the publish button. When you are old, very sick, in a lot of pain (you cannot escape this it happens)and/or close to the end of your life; I want you to recall my face and my words as you are laying there suffering and try to imagine what it was like being me and living with the repercussions of your actions. And I want it to haunt you and you cannot get the memory of what you did out of your mind for the rest of your life.
You are a monster.
Lies in mediation. I filed a complaint (three times actually) with the NC Bar Association. They said they found no fault with your actions there. Though they failed to interview me. Though they failed to examine the depositions. Though they failed to question everyone in the room that day including the para-legal, the mediator and my lawyer. What were they hiding when they refused to give me a copy of their findings. What were you hiding when you told them not to reveal their findings? If you had done nothing wrong then you should have been eager to have the Bar Association send me their findings.
You lied when you said your secretary had called the defendant to tell him the time for mediation had been moved UP a few hours. You also lied when you said the defendent had said he would be there a few minutes late. He never showed up that day at all. I think you told him what was happening alright but told him NOT to be there.
Your questioning of me in the deposition went far beyond what was considered appropriate. Your questions also showed your disgust for me as a person, as a mother as a woman. Your questioning and attitude during the deposition caused me extreme emotional distress that night. I do not know how I even made it home safely. And I spent hours on the phone with a counselor friend and my best friend; they found the questioning and your behavior disgusting too.
Even Dr. Ohl found you disgusting according to Bill. He was hostile towards you because of your insinuations about me; his patient. Dr. Ohl knew without doubt that I was hurt in that accident and that it wasn't minor injuries either.
The $50,000 you were paid by Auto Owners has long ago been spent. You have put all that unpleasantness behind you.
What was unpleasant to you was a nightmare that began on New Year's Eve morning in 1999. Because you blackmailed and threatened me in mediation to prevent me from going on to trial my life is in ruins. Yes, I sustained injures during that car accident and yes all the money in the world could not make me well or give me my old life back.
What it would have done (if you and Auto Owners hadn't behaved as such greedy monsters); it would have allowed me to sell my house and move back to Atlanta to be close to my family. Being alone when in constant pain is a terrible experience. If I had been with my family instead of being forced to stay here in NC alone to deal with everything; I doubt if I would have had the heart attack too.
No matter how many words I type here; you will never know the true extent of damage you did to me, to my family, to my friends and pets; to my spirit and my will to live.
I only have one regret should I not be able to carry on and decide to end my life; is that your children could be hurt by this. You know how the press is, it will be out there and then grow and grow. Then my loved ones can speak. Truth has a strange way of coming out. If your kids hear about what kind of father they have; I am sorry if my future actions (to myself) will cause them pain. I love kids and would never inflict harm on them. If you want to be a better person, read over my answers on the depo and know this: the only reason I succumbed to your threats and blackmail in mediation was to protect my witnesses (and friends) from being outted in court by you and they would have been at risk of losing their jobs.
I am a nice woman. I doubt if you would have done what I did or sacrificed what I did to protect my friends. My therapist when I told her all that happened was so amazed and she was so proud of what I did.
Would I do it all again the same way? Because this has hurt my family and loved ones so much; probably not. I should have been thinking of my family more that day.
I want to say one final thing before hitting the publish button. When you are old, very sick, in a lot of pain (you cannot escape this it happens)and/or close to the end of your life; I want you to recall my face and my words as you are laying there suffering and try to imagine what it was like being me and living with the repercussions of your actions. And I want it to haunt you and you cannot get the memory of what you did out of your mind for the rest of your life.
You are a monster.
Nov. 18, 2006
Dear Gov. Mike Easley, Sen. Elizabeth Dole, Sen. Richard Burr, Mr. Jim Long (NC Dept. Of Insurance and Mr. R. L. Looyenga, CEO Of Auto Owners Insurance Company:
Two days ago, I checked my account at the bank before writing a check for my mortgage for the month of Nov. It was the day before it would have been considered late. My balance was/is $.02.
This is because the IRS put a lien on my checking account and took every single penny out of my account. I have no money. I have run out of all resources to get help for me to save my house, pay my bills, put food on the table for me and my pets. I was terminated from Medicaid and Food Stamps because I made too much money.
I am very very sick and so deeply depressed. At am quickly approaching the end of the battle. I tried so hard to get things taken care of with the IRS about what they said I owed. I never owed this money. But my depression is so deep and my health so bad I could not get everything I needed to prove it to them. $1.600 may not be a lot of money to ya’ll but to me it was impossible.
What I did manage to do since talking to IRS the last time was go wean myself off my anti-depressant Cymbalta. I was given this medication to help with the depression but most importantly it was to help with the severe nerve pain I have. It clouded up my head and tired me out. I knew I had to do this. For three weeks after, I vomited almost everything I ate. I felt anxious and irritable. I slept as much as possible. I retrieved two boxes of un-filed paperwork that I needed to prove my case. I managed to go through it and only pull out what needed to be shredded not filed. I also managed to separate my medical bills from other documents. In the six weeks that was all I managed to do. They promised me they would stay in touch and call me right before placing this lien. I heard nothing until two days ago. That was all I could do.
I wanted to ask for help with legal aid but was no longer eligible for this because I was terminated from Medicaid.
I am almost there, at the end of my hope. There is no one to assist me with finances. I have kids but they have their own responsibilities so I don’t ask.
My house payment is late now. I have no money to buy food for me and my pets. Two months of bills for utilities are due. Car insurance is past due. Taxes on my car are way overdue and I will not be able to renew registration. In less than a week my phone will be cut off. On Dec. 1 so will the electricity and the water.
Because of what Auto Owners has done to me I am ruined.
I just do not care to live any longer. It is too hard, too painful and very difficult to live in a world where no one cares, where a company is allowed to hurt a person so badly without repercussions or punishment. I am no good to my children, as I cannot go to see them or move to Atlanta to be with my kids and grandchildren. I feel bad for my kids. And my grandchildren. I feel bad for my pets that I love dearly.
When it gets so bad I cannot take it any longer. I will find a home for my pets, write letters to my loved ones, drive into Charlotte to the office of Auto Owners. Take my camping chair to their front door with something to drink and then slowly start swallowing valium, Oxycotin (I take 20 mg three times a day for pain), some leftover Methadone and just wait to fall asleep. Auto Owners did this to me. It is only fitting that I end the struggle for life at their doorstep. I will also call the news stations right before taking the medications.
None of you will know when this will happen. You will only hear about it on the news.
Gov. Easley, I wrote to you to ask for help with this situation. What did you do? You forwarded it on to Jim Long with the Dept. of Insurance. And sent me a letter saying this was the best you could do. No Gov. Easley it was not the best you could do. You have lots of power and could have addressed with Auto Owners their actions and behavior. And you could have sent them a written warning that you would not tolerate companies coming to NC and treating your citizens this way. So I blame you too Gov. Easley for taking my life.
Mr. Long, you sent me a letter saying I could sue them and that was all your could do. I say to you sir, no that wasn’t all you could do. Your job is to monitor insurance companies and protect the citizens of NC from bad faith insurance companies. You have no excuse Mr. Long, you had more knowledge than anyone, the copies of the deposition. So I blame you too Mr. Long for my decision to end my life.
Sen. Dole and Sen. Burr, you both are also guilty of turning your back on me and allowing Auto Owners to continue to get away with their crimes against me. Deliberate Infliction of Emotional and Financial Distress.
Mr. Looyenga, your sin is the worst of all. You hired and paid Jeff Bolster $50,000 to destroy me. I have contacted you as well to give you the chance to correct this and undue the wrongs. You ignored it. Well one of your employees sent me a letter saying that Auto Owners would sue me if I don’t shut up. Well you won.
I got another letter from IRS today saying that they had indeed taken the money out of my account and on Dec. 12th they were taking almost $900 more. That was an hour ago. And that is when I made up my mind what I had to do.
I life has no value anymore. And I can’t stand living with the pain. The thought of being evicted is just too much. I won’t let that happen. I will take my life before it happens. None of you thought my life had any value either.
Nancy
Dear Gov. Mike Easley, Sen. Elizabeth Dole, Sen. Richard Burr, Mr. Jim Long (NC Dept. Of Insurance and Mr. R. L. Looyenga, CEO Of Auto Owners Insurance Company:
Two days ago, I checked my account at the bank before writing a check for my mortgage for the month of Nov. It was the day before it would have been considered late. My balance was/is $.02.
This is because the IRS put a lien on my checking account and took every single penny out of my account. I have no money. I have run out of all resources to get help for me to save my house, pay my bills, put food on the table for me and my pets. I was terminated from Medicaid and Food Stamps because I made too much money.
I am very very sick and so deeply depressed. At am quickly approaching the end of the battle. I tried so hard to get things taken care of with the IRS about what they said I owed. I never owed this money. But my depression is so deep and my health so bad I could not get everything I needed to prove it to them. $1.600 may not be a lot of money to ya’ll but to me it was impossible.
What I did manage to do since talking to IRS the last time was go wean myself off my anti-depressant Cymbalta. I was given this medication to help with the depression but most importantly it was to help with the severe nerve pain I have. It clouded up my head and tired me out. I knew I had to do this. For three weeks after, I vomited almost everything I ate. I felt anxious and irritable. I slept as much as possible. I retrieved two boxes of un-filed paperwork that I needed to prove my case. I managed to go through it and only pull out what needed to be shredded not filed. I also managed to separate my medical bills from other documents. In the six weeks that was all I managed to do. They promised me they would stay in touch and call me right before placing this lien. I heard nothing until two days ago. That was all I could do.
I wanted to ask for help with legal aid but was no longer eligible for this because I was terminated from Medicaid.
I am almost there, at the end of my hope. There is no one to assist me with finances. I have kids but they have their own responsibilities so I don’t ask.
My house payment is late now. I have no money to buy food for me and my pets. Two months of bills for utilities are due. Car insurance is past due. Taxes on my car are way overdue and I will not be able to renew registration. In less than a week my phone will be cut off. On Dec. 1 so will the electricity and the water.
Because of what Auto Owners has done to me I am ruined.
I just do not care to live any longer. It is too hard, too painful and very difficult to live in a world where no one cares, where a company is allowed to hurt a person so badly without repercussions or punishment. I am no good to my children, as I cannot go to see them or move to Atlanta to be with my kids and grandchildren. I feel bad for my kids. And my grandchildren. I feel bad for my pets that I love dearly.
When it gets so bad I cannot take it any longer. I will find a home for my pets, write letters to my loved ones, drive into Charlotte to the office of Auto Owners. Take my camping chair to their front door with something to drink and then slowly start swallowing valium, Oxycotin (I take 20 mg three times a day for pain), some leftover Methadone and just wait to fall asleep. Auto Owners did this to me. It is only fitting that I end the struggle for life at their doorstep. I will also call the news stations right before taking the medications.
None of you will know when this will happen. You will only hear about it on the news.
Gov. Easley, I wrote to you to ask for help with this situation. What did you do? You forwarded it on to Jim Long with the Dept. of Insurance. And sent me a letter saying this was the best you could do. No Gov. Easley it was not the best you could do. You have lots of power and could have addressed with Auto Owners their actions and behavior. And you could have sent them a written warning that you would not tolerate companies coming to NC and treating your citizens this way. So I blame you too Gov. Easley for taking my life.
Mr. Long, you sent me a letter saying I could sue them and that was all your could do. I say to you sir, no that wasn’t all you could do. Your job is to monitor insurance companies and protect the citizens of NC from bad faith insurance companies. You have no excuse Mr. Long, you had more knowledge than anyone, the copies of the deposition. So I blame you too Mr. Long for my decision to end my life.
Sen. Dole and Sen. Burr, you both are also guilty of turning your back on me and allowing Auto Owners to continue to get away with their crimes against me. Deliberate Infliction of Emotional and Financial Distress.
Mr. Looyenga, your sin is the worst of all. You hired and paid Jeff Bolster $50,000 to destroy me. I have contacted you as well to give you the chance to correct this and undue the wrongs. You ignored it. Well one of your employees sent me a letter saying that Auto Owners would sue me if I don’t shut up. Well you won.
I got another letter from IRS today saying that they had indeed taken the money out of my account and on Dec. 12th they were taking almost $900 more. That was an hour ago. And that is when I made up my mind what I had to do.
I life has no value anymore. And I can’t stand living with the pain. The thought of being evicted is just too much. I won’t let that happen. I will take my life before it happens. None of you thought my life had any value either.
Nancy
Friday, November 17, 2006
Litigation Involving Auto Owners Insurance Company:
When I made this discovery sometime ago; it was a relief in a way despite knowing that others too have been hurt gravely by this company. I was not alone. I took some satisfaction in that. No one likes to believe that complete strangers can attack us with such vengance and fervor. I am a believer that if you hurt someone deliberately that it comes back to you threefold. So it is hard for me to accept this behavior and it is impossible to understand it either. More later..........
http://www.levinlaw.com/CM/FirmOverview/A-History-of-Our-Verdicts.asp
Insurance Bad Faith
$7.0 Million Verdict Against Hartford Ins. Co.
$7.0 Million Verdict Against Auto-Owners Ins. Co.
http://www.hamilton-co.org/appealscourt/Decisions/C-050450.pdf
In the court of appeals Hamilton Co. Ohio
http://law.freeadvice.com/insurance_law/insurers_bad_faith/
Information about Bad Faith Insurance Practices
http://www.badfaithinsurance.org/indexdetaillist.html
25. Auto-Owners(3),UB(1),L-M(2) on the Bad Faith List
http://www.levinlaw.com/CM/FirmOverview/A-History-of-Our-Verdicts.asp
Insurance Bad Faith
$7.0 Million Verdict Against Hartford Ins. Co.
$7.0 Million Verdict Against Auto-Owners Ins. Co.
http://www.hamilton-co.org/appealscourt/Decisions/C-050450.pdf
In the court of appeals Hamilton Co. Ohio
http://law.freeadvice.com/insurance_law/insurers_bad_faith/
Information about Bad Faith Insurance Practices
http://www.badfaithinsurance.org/indexdetaillist.html
25. Auto-Owners(3),UB(1),L-M(2) on the Bad Faith List
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
A Warning to Auto Owners Insurance and their attorney:
I have shared this project with my family and friends. If something happens to me (like I get shot or run off the road) they have been instructed to share this website with investigators with the police department. Like they say in the movies, pray that nothing bad happens to me.
Do I think that an insurance company would kill someone for $179,000? Of course it is possible.
Right after the accident if someone had told me all the things that Auto Owners Insurance Company was capable of doing to a person in order to save money I would have said they were crazy. People don't do things like this to another human being. Well, I have learned a lot in the past seven years about insurance companies and none of it has been very good at all.
Do I think that an insurance company would kill someone for $179,000? Of course it is possible.
Right after the accident if someone had told me all the things that Auto Owners Insurance Company was capable of doing to a person in order to save money I would have said they were crazy. People don't do things like this to another human being. Well, I have learned a lot in the past seven years about insurance companies and none of it has been very good at all.
YouTube:
A few weeks ago, while watching Good Morning America they did a piece about consumers being dissatisfied with companies who did them wrong and the ingenius methods they chose to blow the whistle. So I visited YouTube and was amazed. And I thought to myself "I can do that! And I will."
Nights are the worst time for me since I live alone with this terrible pain. It is lonely too and very frustrating. The frustration of course comes with livng with chronic pain, arthritis, very poor balance, danger of falling, worrying about my destroyed credit, what if my truck breaks down, literally hundreds of things could happen to knock me out of the ring.
I also fear losing my house. So far I have been able to hold onto it.
I have won and lost Medicaid am appealing
I have won and lost food stamps am appealing
I have won and lost Community Care Program
I try to be very strong. But there are somedays the fear and panic charges through my barriers. And when that happens, I do cry. Sometimes angry loud tears. Sometimes just sad. Sometimes frightened. Sometimes they are lonely tears too. And most of them come at night.
What better way to let Auto Owners Insurance Co. and their lawyer see the impact their behavior (Bad Faith Insurances Practices) has had on me. Why hide it out at night at home when I am alone?
I cry almost every night. Something is always happening like getting my food stamps taken away and getting that letter in the mail. I am going to get my camera charged up and ready set on my artist easel. I can sit there and feel my emotions on the camera. They deserve this. And it could be very cathartic too.
When the video is uploaded (should be by this weekend) I will post the link here.
Nights are the worst time for me since I live alone with this terrible pain. It is lonely too and very frustrating. The frustration of course comes with livng with chronic pain, arthritis, very poor balance, danger of falling, worrying about my destroyed credit, what if my truck breaks down, literally hundreds of things could happen to knock me out of the ring.
I also fear losing my house. So far I have been able to hold onto it.
I have won and lost Medicaid am appealing
I have won and lost food stamps am appealing
I have won and lost Community Care Program
I try to be very strong. But there are somedays the fear and panic charges through my barriers. And when that happens, I do cry. Sometimes angry loud tears. Sometimes just sad. Sometimes frightened. Sometimes they are lonely tears too. And most of them come at night.
What better way to let Auto Owners Insurance Co. and their lawyer see the impact their behavior (Bad Faith Insurances Practices) has had on me. Why hide it out at night at home when I am alone?
I cry almost every night. Something is always happening like getting my food stamps taken away and getting that letter in the mail. I am going to get my camera charged up and ready set on my artist easel. I can sit there and feel my emotions on the camera. They deserve this. And it could be very cathartic too.
When the video is uploaded (should be by this weekend) I will post the link here.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Auto Owners Insurance Company
paid me $21,000 for the injuries that I sustained in this accident. Mr Froman in his letter even states this fact.
Their lawyer leaned across the table that day in mediation and threatened to expose me and my two witnesses as being homosexual. His words were very strong hints. But I got it. My lawyer got it. So did the judge who was mediating that day.
Back in my lawyers office; the mediator said he had never seen such grevious behavior on the part of an attorney represening an insurance company in a personal injury case.
He also agreed they were threatening me by mentioning if I took the case to court I would have to pay $20,000 in court costs. He said my injuries and medical treatments (up until early spring 2004) were worth the value of that policy which was $200,000.
He said in his experience a plantiff with injures did receive awards of this much. He told me they were not going to go a penny higher because they knew I would not let my friends be exposed in court; both of them are school teachers here in NC and could loose their jobs. It was clear that this judge who is a very nice man and fair was visibly upset and shaken at the behavior of the insurance company and their lawyer during mediation.
He was upset! What about me?
Their lawyer leaned across the table that day in mediation and threatened to expose me and my two witnesses as being homosexual. His words were very strong hints. But I got it. My lawyer got it. So did the judge who was mediating that day.
Back in my lawyers office; the mediator said he had never seen such grevious behavior on the part of an attorney represening an insurance company in a personal injury case.
He also agreed they were threatening me by mentioning if I took the case to court I would have to pay $20,000 in court costs. He said my injuries and medical treatments (up until early spring 2004) were worth the value of that policy which was $200,000.
He said in his experience a plantiff with injures did receive awards of this much. He told me they were not going to go a penny higher because they knew I would not let my friends be exposed in court; both of them are school teachers here in NC and could loose their jobs. It was clear that this judge who is a very nice man and fair was visibly upset and shaken at the behavior of the insurance company and their lawyer during mediation.
He was upset! What about me?
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