I need:

to move to Atlanta, just a few miles from my kids and their children and spouses. I don't want this life to end. I have many reasons to live on.

I need to unload this house somehow. I need enough money to buy outright a a small home close to them on a little plot of land. My girls have said that they would be there for me always. We would spend lots of time together. I know this is true because when ever we are together we always enjoy each others company and have so much fun making jokes, recalling funny things from the past, going over old photos, etc.

My grandchildren would be at Grandma Cookies house often. I could take turns having them over to spend the weekend. We could do crafts together, I could teach them art, we could read books together. Cooking together. Baking cookies like I did with their mothers. Laughing and joking with them. When they are around me; I feel so much more alive. My pain is less. They are the best medicine.

I need a better vehicle. My car was destroyed in the accident so I had to purchase another vehicle and I chose a pick up truck because I am a gardener a car can get dirty. I did not know the extent of my injuries when I bought this truck back in Jan. 2000. I would have gotten a much more comfortable vehicle. So I need another kind of vehicle. I have some more grandchildren to haul around too.

I need to pay off my bills; all of them including the judgements against me in the past month. Discover Card and a doctor sued me for about 8K for unpaid bills. I put about three thousand on Discover Card to pay for medications when I lost my job in Oct. 2004. I have about another 5K outstanding medical bills. I want to pay these off too.

I want to clean up my record, move to Atlanta and start over.

I want to live a lot more years yet. To watch my grandkids graduate from high school and then college. I would love to see them marry and become parents themselves. I very much want to be a part of their lives.

I just can't make it here so far from them. So far in debt I cannot have peace of mind. No doubt this adds to the pain level and my depression.

Life could be just fine. I never cared about money all that much. My family is priceless. I have to be practical too. If Auto Owners were to do a turn around and pay what my injuries are really worth (the balance of that policy available is $179,000) and I would be okay with that. 179k could buy that small house, fix this house to sell, cover moving costs, it would be enough money to buy a more comfortable vehicle. More than that I don't care about. As long as I had my family close by; that is enough for me.

If they don't; I am trapped in a house that is falling apart far from the ones that I love. I am so alone. I will never be able to buy another vehicle and if this one breaks I am in trouble. I used to love my little home. Now it is a prison. This is not life. This is barely existing. There's that lien now with IRS. They cleaned out my checking account on Nov.14th.

Everyday things just get progressively worse. I am scared to answer the phone now even my cell. I am terrified when I check the mail all I get is bad news and people wanting money from me. Money I don't have.

IRS took $654 from me. Every single penny I had in that account leaving the mortgage unpaid for this month, leaving two months worth of electricity unpaid (shut off Dec.1), two months of water and sewer bills, two months of telephone bills, car insurance for this month unpaid, property tax (on the truck)for last year unpaid.

I won't be able to pay the $25 for Perdue Pharma for my pain medications.

I forgot to add food for me and my pets. I still have some food in the refrigerator but this can't last forever.

I had planned on taking a trip to Atlanta on Dec. 1 to stay for two days with my family. I had planned on taking Morgan out to lunch with me and some artist friends I met on line at Mick's close to Lennox Square. Barb was going to drive us there and hang out at the mall while Morgan and I did the gallery crawl with the artist friends. He is so excited about that. That is out now. I have not seen any of them since May of this year. The baby Jimmy has grown so much. He is standing up walking around the coffee table and I am missing it. So seeing my family in Dec. is out. Writing this is making me cry and angry! And so freaking frustrated right now.

And then this is the times I have dark thoughts.......................